For those of you who are interested in seeing the differences between French and American wedding traditions, here are some photos and short videos of Bernard and my wedding which took place on April 25th. Firstly, all weddings must be held in the Marie (equivalent to the Courthouse in the US) and the Mayor performs the wedding. Church and State are separated here, and unlike in the US where you can do the entire ceremony in a Church if you choose, in France you don’t have that option. You must do the civil ceremony in the Marie and can do an optional religious ceremony at another time. Our Mayor was quite nice and did some special touches, which we were grateful for since otherwise weddings can be a cold and sanitized event. Martine, my French friend who’s fluent in English, composed and read the story of how we met in both languages, so it is possible to personalize the ceremony and give it a less ‘sterile’ feel. Some traditions remain the same in both cultures such as exchanging the rings, the kiss, the pronouncement, the ‘oui’s', the first dance, the throwing of something on the couple upon leaving the place where the wedding took place, and the wedding cake. These traditions however can take very different forms than in the U.S.

Bernard’s friends composed two songs in French and sang them to us at the dinner celebration at the mountain lodge we rented for the dinner and party. Once again the love of singing that the French have came through in this simple, heartfelt gesture. It was a wonderful surprise.

I just passed my one year anniversary of living in France. Spring seems to be when I move to foreign countries..and when I start life over again. In 1998, I left my CEO job, sold everything I owned, and packed up two suitcases and my two cats and boarded a plane to Florence, Italy. That too was in April.  I had an apartment rented for one month in the center of town but had no idea what I was going to do after that. I did not have a Permesso di Soggiorno (permit to stay past three months) and could not legally work. I spoke survival Italian. All I knew was that I had to get out of a suffocating and hellish job, away from a bad relationship, and out of Los Angeles. Italy is where I had been vacationing for 15 years, where I had studied as an undergraduate, and where I was happiest. So off to Italy I went!

Surprisingly, I managed to survive and semi-thrive in Italy for two years. I lived and studied Italian in Florence, worked at the United Nations in Rome, taught English to 135 business people by myself at Italy’s largest insurance headquarters which was in Trieste, and traveled to dozens of towns and cities throughout Italy. I lived in Rome with five roommates from Ireland, Sicily and Russia – all much younger than me. I rented an apartment in a small town, San Dona di Piave, just outside of Venice. I learned about discrimination and narrow-mindedness in that small town. I worked for a greedy woman who lied to me, used me, overworked me, underpaid me and ultimately stold from me. She still owes me over $2,000. I learned conversational Italian and made some friends that I still have to this day. Most importantly, I learned what I was made of because those were two of the most challenging years of my life. I did it all alone with no help, no contacts, little money, no street smarts, and only basic Italian language skills. Ultimately, I returned to the U.S. for a consulting job offer, which turned out to be a good decision because my consulting business snowballed and I made a very good living for the next ten years, with autonomy and flexibility to travel. But I didn’t know that at the time, and when I returned to California in 2000, I was 40 and as a single woman starting life over again, I thought I was destined to loneliness and bad jobs for the rest of my life. I was oh SO wrong.

Now once again I’m starting life over, but at 50! This time I didn’t move to a foreign country because I was in love with it (like Italy), but because I was in love with a person…a very special person. In contrast to my move to Italy, this time I didn’t leave a bad job, but in fact, had a great consulting business that I truly loved doing (which I still do at 30% of what it was). I left a house that I had worked my whole life to buy. Geez, did I adore that house! But what I’ve learned over the years is that ‘things,’ jobs, and money will not make you happy. I also know that sometimes, often many times, taking risks pays off. I’ve never been one to jump into a dark bottomless abyss, but rather my style is to take big leaps off cliffs where I can see the bottom and with a parachute on my back. There are smart risks and there are stupid risks and you have to know the difference.

Admittedly, the first six months of living in France were particularly difficult, especially since I don’t really speak the language. And there was the stress of the move and the grief process of saying goodbye to everything and everyone I’d known for 26 years. I didn’t know or understand French culture, and of course, there were the adjustments that come with living with someone you had only known via a long distance relationship. Every hour of everyday was completely different from my life in L.A., and now I had two teens to care for too. I found myself spending 4 hours a day cooking, eating, and cleaning up afterwards, compared to about 1 hour a day in L.A.  And what was psychologically different with this move to France was that there was no Plan B. In Italy, I always had in the back of my mind that if it got too hard, I would return to the US, which ultimately I did. But my move to France was for keeps. There was no turning back.

Ultimately, I have found my way in France. I finally found a semi-intensive French class beginning in September, I’ve made a few quality friends, I’ve fallen even more in love with my Frenchman who I married three weeks ago, I’m learning about French culture and am adjusting to the lifestyle, I adore my ‘step children,’ and love the traveling and motorbiking we do. The scenery could not be more beautiful. My final challenge will be to find a way to make a living in two years when my consulting contracts end. But I’ve been in worse situations and always manage to pull a rabbit out of my hat so I’m sure there’s still another rabbit hiding somewhere in that chapeau!  In the meantime, I’m trying to take each day as it comes and savour every precious moment I have in this new life – a life full of love, laughter, beauty, culture, constant learning, new experiences, foreign ways, and most days too much activity and work. It’s a challenging journey but worth the effort. After all, is there anything worse than boredom and too much familiarity? 

Thanks again to my readers who have chosen to join me on this journey. I use video to share my experiences with you because film is the best way to communicate the extraordinary beauty of the area and to share my explorations of what is to me almost another planet. I hope you find them as much fun to watch as they are for me to make.

I’ll end with two of my favorite quotes:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” — Mark Twain

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” — Helen Keller

My wedding videos and photos are still trickling in from family and friends so I hope to have a compilation for you in the next two weeks, complete with some French wedding traditions (combined with American traditions). In the meantime, here’s another ‘French Comfort Food’ favorite: Savoyarde Potato Gratin. This is a filling, easy, inexpensive and very yummy family dish. This recipe among 50 others can be found in my French Alps Cookbook.

Savoyarde Potato Gratin(conversions are not exact but will work fine in the recipe)

About 10 medium size potatoes

One stick of butter (or 150 gr)

2 – 3 cloves of garlic, crushed, sliced

2 cups of heavy cream   (or 50cl)

1 1/2 cups of white semi-hard cheese such as Gruyere or Savoyarde Tomme,

grated  (or 350 gr)

Salt and Pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 375 (or 7 on a French oven). Butter the sides and bottom of a square or round low-sided oven dish.  Peel, wash and slice potatoes lengthwise. Layer the potato slices alternately with garlic and chunks of butter. Salt and pepper periodically. When finished layering, add the cream all over the top of the gratin. Add the grated cheese on top. Place in the oven and bake for about 45 – 55 minutes until the potatoes are tender and the top is browned. Enjoy hot.  It tastes even better the next day!